I didn't take Ambien last night. I got a little scared because there's entire portions of the past few days that are fuzzy, and I didn't really take any medicine so there's no real reason for the memory loss. I'm thinking that the Ambien might be built up in my system and so I've got a built-in predication for memory loss, which really sucks ass. I didn't take it last night and I didn't sleep as well as normal, but today I feel somewhat clear-headed and sane. I might not be sane, but at least I can give off a passing resemblance for a few months until we go back to Iraq. At that point, my insanity will probably return full bore and I'll need more months of psychotherapy to forget about the things I see.
I'm just preparing myself.
I just finished The Tommyknockers. Probably the best King book I've read, and I've gone through quite a few of them. I guess it's sci-fi on a general level, but the story is so much more engrossing than just about anything else out there. I'm thinking of dipping back in to the Tim O'Brien catalog now, but I'm not sure I can handle more Vietnam fiction or even reality at this point. I understand that Vietnam was tragic and about ten million times more intense than anything I've experienced, and I am grateful for all the Nam vets that have written to express interest in the things I'm writing about. I've gotten letters from Dustoff pilots, grunts, medics, and even former company commanders, and every single one of them seems to understand where I'm coming from with PTSD. And so in a sense I appreciate O'Brien's books, because they hit the reality of how we all feel without being too pandering, which is also what I try to avoid here.
God, I'm rambling, and I swore I'd never do that. Boredom has a funny way of making you do that. I'll check back tomorrow with my chow hall post. Hopefully.
If you like the Tommy Knockers by King, you should read the rest of his books (if you havn't) they (in my humble opionion) are the greatest. Then again, I think he is the best author.
Much love to you and your family.
I noticed that you have a picture from the cover of the Beatles' Abby Road album. Can you tell us why you zoomed in on this interesting man watching the Beatles walking across the street in 1969?
Good luck with everything, and thanks for your interesting posts.
julie anna said...
I haven't read all of your blog yet, but I noticed that you will welcome any ideas/advice for PTSD. My husband has suffered with it quite a bit after coming home from Iraq and refused to get help through the army (thank goodness). Instead, he found the VA center that offers free counseling and the one in Tacoma, WA. has a combat veteran-turned-degreed-counselor. The counselor has kept it all quiet from the army, has not given out meds, and has talked with my husband regularly. It has helped my husband tremendously, with out medications. They have even recognized that, quite often, families deal with thier own mild form of PTSD when thier soldier returns home from war, and has since started a talk/support group for families. I don't know where you are located, but have you looked into what the VA in your area has to offer? They help active duty, not just vets that have left the military. It is an excellant way to get some good help with out dealing with the cruelty of your chain of command.